Stolpe Star 2021

 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 Romans 15:13 seems a particularly appropriate Christmas prayer and greeting for 2021.

 Passing of a Generation

 Candy’s Dad, Charles Miller, passed from this life into Christ’s presence in September. Though he had been living near us in Wisconsin for 3 years, he was buried with his wife, Roma, - Candy’s Mom - in Ft. Snelling National Cemetery in Minnesota. At 94 he had outlived many family and friends, but a good group of friends and neighbors came to the memorial service to remember his life of faith, prayer, faith sharing, and his lifetime of service with Wooddale Church and N. C. Little Hospice and more.

 Rising Generations

 Leanne and Jon live in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania where he is an automated building controls engineering supervisor for Siemens. Leanne has been a kindergarten teacher who is looking for the next step on her path. Hannah is in her second year of teaching high school Spanish in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. Isaac is a senior at Grove City College in Pennsylvania with only student teaching to finish his degree in music education.

 We share a duplex with Rachel and David in Milwaukee. David teaches at Dottke High School, a project based learning model. Rachel ended her role as an aid for special needs students and does some nannying for infants and is contributing a lot to Candy’s care. Sam is a Resident Assistant in the dorm at Goshen College, Indiana, where he is a sophomore. Elizabeth is a high school freshman,

 Erik continues as the Director of Music with the Dallas School of Rock. He provides music for worship in the Central Dog Park at what is now Central Commons as Central Christian Church. I served them as pastor 2000-2011, and they concluded their service after 158 years as a congregation.

 Hope in Our Generation

 For many years, I (Norm) have taught and aspired to live into being encountered by God in the spaces between realities that seem paradoxical and even contradictory. In this year of relentless pandemic, unprecedented political upheaval, social turmoil, growing environmental crises, and more, we are all hungry for hope. Thus pleading with the God of hope to fill us with abounding hope seems more urgent than ever.

 This year Candy and I have been pondering hope in our unsettled spaces. This is only an overview so as not to bogged down in excessive detail.

 Candy’s Dad had a stroke in March and broke his hip in May, after which he needed to move to a facility with a higher level of care. He began to receive hospice care in August and left us in September. We engaged in daily presence on this home stretch of his life.

 We had four generations together in Minnesota for his memorial (except our grandsons Isaac and Sam were not able to get away). Good family together experiences went along with warm gratitude and memories of “Grandpa Charlie.” In a rather freak accident the morning before his service, as Candy was showering at the hotel, the glass door shattered, and she was cut badly enough to need to be taken by ambulance to the ER to get stitched up. The service was delayed three hours, but Candy was back on deck, if somewhat shaken.

 In October Candy slipped and lost her balance in our dining room. She broke her right hip. After a whole day in the ER and another whole day of waiting, she had surgery followed by a few weeks of rehab. The day she was to be discharged, we were informed she had tested positive for Covid-19, so we had two weeks of quarantine at home. She never had any symptoms, and all of us in the house tested negative. Though awkward, we are thankful for the vaccinations that almost certainly protected us from anything worse. Without a doubt, the stress, surgical trauma and anesthesia have accelerated Candy’s Alzheimer’s, to which we are adjusting along with her decreased mobility.   

While Candy was in rehab, I had a routine dermatology appointment. They found a spot on my neck that they hadn’t seen six months earlier. Biopsy showed a skin cancer that needed surgical removal. After removing two chunks a day apart, they stitched me up on the fourth day. Prognosis is good, but vigilance is essential.

 While we welcome any prayers on our behalf, we don’t want any of you to sadly bemoan our plight. I can’t count how many times Candy has said as we worked on these things, “But we sure have a lot to be thankful for.” Indeed! Family is at the top of the list. Sharing the duplex with Rachel, David, and Elizabeth (Sam away at college) has been essential for daily tasks, and encouragement from Pennsylvania and Texas has been wonderful. Friends of Milwaukee Mennonite and Meadowbrook Churches have been immensely helpful. Thanks to Candy’s Dad, we were able to replace our 1999 Chevy Blazer with a 2017 Toyota Seneca, which is much easier for Candy to get in and out of. With the help of a contractor friend and Elizabeth, David built a ramp at the back of the house, with a new back door as well (and made a number of safety changes in the house). 

 We are certainly thankful for these practical things on our 2021 journey, and we take them as small signs of the much larger hope that Romans 15:13 invokes. We are learning to grow in hope without expecting that “everything will turn out alright.” In Romans 4:18 Paul wrote that “hoping against hope [Abraham] believed.” And Hebrews 11:39 observes that “all these, though they were commended for their faith, did not receive what was promised.” Yes, we have the hope of resurrection to eternal life. Thanks be to God for Jesus’ birth, life, death, and resurrection! But until then, we nourish hope in the ambiguous spaces of each day.

 Love and Peace,

Norm and Candy

 

 

 

 

Update from Candy’s 11-01 Orthopedic Appointment and 11-02 Care Conference

 The orthopedic appointment went quite well. Everything seems to be aligned and healing properly. Incisions are healing nicely. Some concern about modest swelling of right leg to be monitored so if it gets worse intervention can head off any possible blood clot issues.

 

Care Conference was quite encouraging. Rachel went along. Candy is able to walk 60’ with a walker. A week ago she couldn’t even stand. Now she can handle transfer from recliner to walker or wheelchair to toilet and back. She is eating well and able to feed herself. Toileting is going much better now. She wants to get home as soon as possible, so they are working on gaining strength and proficiency with the walker. She has been needing help with dressing for a while, which they want to try to improve.

 

They are projecting November 12 for completing therapy, but that could change either direction depending on progress (and insurance). She doesn’t know that yet as time and uncertainty are increasingly elusive for her (before the accident). We are working to get the house ready. David already installed grab bars in bathroom. Rugs and other trip/slip hazards are being removed. David and a contractor friend will be starting to build a ramp at the back of the house. When she gets home, occupational and physical therapists will make other recommendations and work with her to function as fully as possible at home. We are retiring our 1999 Chevy Blazer for a 2017 Toyota Sienna for better accessibility and comfort.

 

In 2019 routine lab work prompted an investigation of bone thinning related to a hyperactive parathyroid gland (not to be confused with the thyroid). At the time, surgical intervention didn’t seem urgent, but now we will be revisiting that as bone thinning has progressed, and we don’t want to risk another fracture. Still unknown is how the stress of this experience (on top of her Dad’s passing and a scary accident in the hotel in Minnesota just before his memorial service that sent her to the ER for stitches) and the effects of anesthesia and short-term pain meds may affect her Alzheimer’s.

 

The staffs at Froedtert Hospital and Lutheran Home (where she is getting rehab) have been wonderful. We have gotten considerable prayer and practical support from family, church, and friends. Our shared duplex household with Rachel, David, and Elizabeth just upstairs has been invaluable. We are all tired, and Norm is especially exhausted. Nevertheless, we are exceedingly grateful and hopeful as we anticipate these next steps. Thanks to all of you who are receiving this for your love and prayers.

Stolpe Star 2020

 

Looking back at last year’s Stolpe Star, 2019 seemed to be a year filled with changes. By comparison the changes of 2020 almost seem to have been putting life on hold. We have been worshipping and fellowshipping with Milwaukee Mennonite Church and Meadowbrook Church on-line. David and Rachel and Elizabeth have been doing a lot of school on-line. The support programs we have enjoyed on Candy’s Alzheimer’s journey have been suspended: Mind Effects, Memory Cafe, Caregiver Support Group. We have not been able to visit Candy’s Dad, Charlie Miller, in Hart Park Square, the senior residence where he lives, but I do get him out for essentials such as doctor visits. 

Nevertheless, life does not stand still. Leanne and Jon downsized into a new house in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania. Sam did start as a freshman at Goshen College in Indiana. Hannah graduated from Messiah College and has begun teaching high school Spanish in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. Elizabeth is in 8th grade at Wauwatosa Montessori School, and Isaac is a junior at Grove City College in Pennsylvania. I have begun writing devotionals for the Guideposts publication Strength and Grace: Devotionals for Caregivers. We are still deciding if Erik and Juno will visit for Christmas from Dallas, where he continues as Director of Music for the School of Rock. 

How much we need the Advent lessons of constructive waiting in 2020! In the Lectionary Epistle lesson for the first Sunday of Advent from 2 Peter 3:8 we read, “with the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like one day.” In my Psalms prayers on November 30, the first weekday of Advent 2020, I realized this was an echo of Psalm 90:4. “A thousand years in your sight are like yesterday when it is past, or like a watch in the night.” As long as 2020 seems to have been, the waiting will certainly persist into 2021, when passed will be a mere watch in the night.

Perhaps all of 2020 can be an Advent of constructive waiting. Perhaps as we await the celebration of the coming of the Prince of Peace, we see ourselves as his agent of peace in our time, living now into the peace the angels announced at his birth. “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace among those whom he favors!” (Luke 2:14)

Merry Christmas!

Norm and Candy too

Marching Down Our Street

Last night (August 13, 2020) a Black Lives Matter march came down our street about 9:30 while Candy and I were on our front porch playing our evening game. Those who were marching were in straight rows and columns “social distancing” with rhythmic chanting that kept everyone in step like a military drill squad. A number of cars followed the marchers. Monitors wearing identifiable vests walked alongside keeping everyone in good order. They were loud but orderly (no violence, vandalism, looting, or threats) and finished by 10:00 pm several blocks from us.

 Though our attention was distracted from our game, we did not feel threatened or inclined to retreat inside. Our delightfully diverse Washington Heights neighborhood was certainly a congenial setting. A number of neighbors came out to watch and after the marchers were gone, lingered for casual conversation. Many homes have a variety of signs sympathetic to racial justice and harmony, including the upscale ones on Hi Mount, Washington Blvd., and in Washington Highlands. Just an aside observation, not intended as political advocacy, walking and driving our neighborhood would give little clue to who is running against Joe Biden, except for one “anyone but Trump” sign on a lawn a couple of houses down from us. Obviously, our neighborhood is not typical of the US or even Wisconsin. I am very aware of the broad spectrum of political opinions among my family and friends.

 I am not offering this to change anyone’s mind about anything, but simply to acknowledge an out of the ordinary experience for us in our quiet neighborhood during our typically quiet couple time before retiring for the night.

Stolpe Star 2019

Of course, nothing stands still. Sometimes this reality fills us with exhilarating anticipation, and other times we struggle to adapt to what is coming at us. The flow of the Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany seasons remind us that while we wait for the promised peace on earth and within ourselves, the challenges of our own lives and the times in which we live call us to keep our focus on the assurance and guidance of staying close to Jesus every day. So as you celebrate at this season, Candy and I wish and pray for you a renewed depth of hope, peace, joy, and love. The mystery of the incarnation of God in Jesus, Emmanuel – God with us, is the confidence that we are not alone on our journeys.

Four Generation Thanksgiving

At Thanksgiving, we celebrated the big change of 2019 for us with a four generation gathering. In July Candy’s Dad, Charlie Miller, moved to a senior living residence a mile and a half from us in Milwaukee. After 92 years living in Minnesota, this was a huge and challenging transition. Serious falls in June of 2017 and 2019 indicated he would be better close to us (for you who may not know, Candy is his only child) than attempting to live on his own in his home, even with daily help from a caregiver. We are very thankful to have him closer so we can respond to his needs in minutes instead of hours. Most of what he needs, such as laundry and shopping, are integrated into our regular rhythms. I have been able to adjust my activities to accommodate caring for and loving him as an extension of caring for and loving Candy.

Candy continues to do very well with her Alzheimer’s journey. She continues to enjoy and benefit from the Mind Effects program at the Lutheran Home for those in the early stages of memory loss. She still beats me at Scrabble more than half of the time. She works word puzzles and other mind games to keep her thinking as sharp as possible. We attend a Memory Café monthly, a program of the Alzheimer’s Association for fun socialization with others on this journey. I participate in a monthly Caregivers Support Group, also from the Alzheimer’s Association. I have begun regular appointments with a counselor to help me tend my own well-being so I can be fully present to Candy and her Dad.

If you had a chance to see the November issue of Guideposts magazine, you may have seen an article about how my 50 year pattern of praying the Psalms has helped and enriched my journey with Candy. The article was arranged as part of getting the word out about my book Ripples that was released in October 2018. If you haven’t already you can check it out at www.ripplesthroughlives.com. On this journey I am seeking ways to simplify life as much as possible. We make a point of looking for at least one source of joy every day, and adopting the discipline of not letting the day’s struggles or anticipation of our future trajectory detract from that joy. I am simplifying the Stolpe Star, while still giving you basic updates on the family.

Our Wisconsin granddaughter Elizabeth went with Leanne and Jon, Hannah and Isaac on the home building trip to Guatemala last summer. Hannah studied abroad in Strasberg, France this year, after having studied in Chile last year. She is a senior at Messiah College and will graduate in May, expecting to be teaching Spanish and French somewhere the next school year.

Elizabeth

Isaac is a sophomore Music Education major at Grove City College.

Hannah and Isaac

Sam will graduate from Wauwatosa East High School this year and has been accepted to study acoustical engineering at Goshen College in the fall. 

Sam

Elizabeth will be turning 13 before the New Year and shifting into a Montessori program of the Wauwatosa public schools for the rest of seventh and all of eighth grades. She plays violin in the Longfellow Middle School orchestra program.

 David began teaching at James E. Dottke High School in West Allis this year. It is a project based learning environment that is right up his alley. You can learn more about it at https://dottke.wawm.k12.wi.us/. Rachel switched from being a substitute aid in Wauwatosa schools to being a full-time aid at the Montessori school where Elizabeth will be also.

Leanne continues as a Kindergarten teacher and working on her graduate school program. Jon also continues as a manager of engineers (I really don’t know his title or understand all he does) for the building automation division of Siemens. They also continue their neighborhood and church ministries.

Erik continues as Music Director for the Dallas School of Rock and recently adopted Juno, a black lab mix. Erik and Juno drove to Wisconsin in the summer, shortly after Candy’s Dad arrived. So we were thrilled to see him twice in 2019.

One of the wonderful benefits of serving nine congregations (counting five interim pastorates) in five states is that we have been enriched by a glorious treasury of relationships.  You who are receiving this letter are a valued part of that wealth. You have probably heard the cliché about worldly wealth, that you can’t take it with you. But with our faith in Jesus, we rejoice that we can take each other into the joy God has waiting for us.

Peace,

Norm (with Candy adding her greeting too)

Four Generation Thanksgiving

I do think that having a day to prompt us to intentionally express gratitude is very healthy. As I moved from lectio divina to Psalm prayers Sunday morning (November 24) Colossians 4:2 seemed an appropriate introduction to the Thanksgiving week. “Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with thanksgiving.”

This year I am especially alert to the uniqueness of our four generation Thanksgiving we are anticipating. Since we moved from Texas to Wisconsin in 2017, our son Jon and his family (wife Leanne and children Hannah and Isaac) from Pennsylvania and our son Erik from Texas have joined us (son David, wife Rachel, their children Sam and Elizabeth, and of course Candy and me) for Thanksgiving. A rare opportunity to have all three sons and four grandchildren together at the same time. This past summer Candy’s 92 year old Dad, Charlie Miller, moved from Minnesota to a senior living residence in Wisconsin just a mile and a half from us. Someone may have a better memory than I about this, but I can’t recall when we’ve had all twelve of us together like this at the same time before. And I am quite aware that repeating it may not be very likely. Hannah is about to graduate from college and head into her adult journey, which will take her on many adventures. Sam is starting college in the fall which will alter the rhythms of his life.

As I have reflected on this occasion during the week, I kept coming back to Psalm 128 as my foremost expression of gratitude this Thanksgiving, and have prepared this table grace for us to pray together at dinner on Thursday, incorporating our unique time with the Psalm.

Oh God, before whom generations rise and pass away, we give you heartfelt thanks today that we have four generations together around this table. Thank you for the wonder of being a family who though scattered in different places are together in Christ.

Thank you that “Grandpa Charlie,” is with us. Thank you for his long life of serving you, praying for and sharing the joy of trusting Jesus with many people. We ask that you give him strength and joy for every one of his days.

Thank you that Erik is with us again for the third Thanksgiving in a row. Thank you for the fulfillment he gets from teaching many to play music. Thank you for Tom Irwin sharing an apartment with him. Thank you for Central Christian Church with whom he gives and receives.

                                                                                                                                             

Thank you for Leanne and Jon being with us again this Thanksgiving. Thank you that Hannah is about to finish college and head into the adventures ahead of her. Guide and empower her on her journey. Thank you for Isaac, especially his musical gifts. As he continues in college, lead him on your path. Be with Leanne and Jon as they reach out to many from their “empty nest.” Thank you for the opportunities you give them in church, work, and neighborhood.

Thank you for Rachel and David and our mutual support in our duplex. Thank you for Sam’s opportunity starting college next year. Nurture his creative gifts and point him into his future. Thank you for the richness of bringing Elizabeth into our family. Nurture a fresh spirit of possibilities as she will soon be the only teen in the house. Thank you for the very special opportunities Rachel and David have in their schools and in the church.

Thank you for “Grandma Candy” and “Grandpa Norm” and the love and partnership of their shared journey with Jesus over the years with so many wonderful people. Fill them with deep joy of the blessing of seeing their children’s children as Psalm 128 says.

“Happy is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways. You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy, and it shall go well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord. The Lord bless you from Zion. May you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life. May you see your children’s children. Peace be upon Israel!”

This from my prayer Psalms (144:12-15) for Sunday morning seemed a wonderful lead-in to Thanksgiving week when we will have all three of our sons, all four of our grandchildren, and Candy's Dad together all at once. The first four generation gathering in a very long time.

The Psalm is rich with plenty of other themes which I barely scratched this morning and they are still brewing within me, but this really stuck out. I will not incorporate it into the table grace, but have preserved my social media post with this entry.

May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars, cut for the building of a palace. May our barns be filled, with produce of every kind; may our sheep increase by thousands, by tens of thousands in our fields, and may our cattle be heavy with young. May there be no breach in the walls, no exile, and no cry of distress in our streets. Happy are the people to whom such blessings fall; happy are the people whose God is the Lord.

Stolpe Star 2018

Oasis on Our Journey

Last year at this time we had barely pitched our tent in Milwaukee as we got organized in our duplex. Now, having gone through a full year’s cycle, we are feeling at home with the rhythm of our journey.

Together on a chilly Thanksgiving morning
Leanne, Isaac, Hannah, Jon, Erik, David, Elizabeth, Sam, Rachel

Early on, maybe even in 1969 but certainly by 1970, we recognized that the image of living in tents from Hebrews 11:9-10 would become a guiding metaphor for our life. At that time we had no idea that we would be pitching our tent in so many varied places, be accompanied by so many wonderful companions, or have such amazing adventures. Though we know God will continue to surprise us on this journey, we recognize we may now be at our last encampment before reaching the city with foundations whose builder and architect is God.

We are very thankful that so far Candy’s Alzheimer’s is progressing slowly. That is the word that’s used, even though regressing seems to be a more appropriate word. She has discontinued computer use, so no longer responds to email or is on Facebook, but she does enjoy phone calls and USPS mail. She enjoys the brain stimulation of Mind Effects from 10 am to 2 pm every Thursday at the Lutheran Home. She loves the crafts and socialization of the monthly Memory Café with a small group of others with memory loss and their caregivers. I benefit from the Alzheimer’s Association monthly caregiver support group. We typically play Scrabble 4-6 evenings a week, and I am doing well if I win more than once.

Just a month after Christmas we will celebrate (though we haven’t figured out how yet) a great milestone on our journey. Our 50^th Wedding Anniversary will be January 25. Since we were all together for Thanksgiving again this year, we don’t anticipate a family reunion next month. Still and all, we anticipate it with joy and gratitude. Often people congratulate us on this as though it is an accomplishment. We rather regard it as having been the greatest, most satisfying adventure of our lives. Yes, Candy’s Alzheimer’s has been an unanticipated turn in the path, but as Candy often says, “Every day we cry a little, and we laugh a little.”  We are learning to live in the moment, finding that God meets us there with great joy.

Candy’s Dad continues to live in his own home in Minnesota with his caregiver, Sue, to check in every day and care for daily needs. We appreciate that she keeps us informed. We have made a few visits. Helping with practical matters also helps keep the relationship strong. This is much easier from Milwaukee than Dallas. We can make it to him in as little as 6 hours if need be.

In June we flew to Pennsylvania to celebrate Isaac’s high school graduation. This fall we made a trip to Dallas for the launching of my book Ripples. You can watch those interviews at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi99QDUyofJs12eyrlCjGvw?guided_help_flow=3 and learn about the book at www.ripplesthroughlives.com. That was the occasion for the trip, but the great benefit was to spend some quality time with Erik and see some of our friends from my days as pastor of Central Christian Church.

The approach of Christmas with its message of joy prompts us to keep our focus on Jesus in each day’s moments of joy.

May you receive great joy this Christmas!

Norm for Candy too

Erik in Texas

Erik is finding deep satisfaction in the impact and interaction he has with students of all ages and the teachers at the Dallas School of Rock, where he is the Music Director. Though not gigging the way he used to, he does get to perform with his student groups.

His role in the music ministry of Central Christian Church continues and deepens. David Aston, the Music Director and Organist, secured a violin for Erik. Erik had played violin in middle school and as a high school freshman. He is thrilled with this opportunity to get back to it. He is preparing something for Christmas for the church. Thanks to Elizabeth letting him use her violin, Erik amazed us with it at Thanksgiving.

anticipating our 50th wedding anniversary January 25

Upstairs Stolpes

Elizabeth is in 6^th grade at Longfellow Middle School, continuing with violin and flute music and swimming. One of our great joys is witnessing her blossom into a delightful young woman.

Sam is a junior at Wauwatosa East High School, playing cello in the orchestra and mandolin for the fiddle club. His preliminary college hunt has begun, looking for someplace for musical engineering and a swim program.

Rachel is transitioning from being an overnight nanny to a substitute teachers aid for students with special needs. This allows her to work when Elizabeth and Sam are in school and sleep at home every night.

In his second year as the impact teacher for Lane Intermediate School in West Allis, with the adjustments made since last year, David is receiving both satisfaction and affirmation. His after school “garage band” club continues to bear fruit in transforming students.

Empty Nest Stolpes

Yes, Jon and Leanne have entered the empty nest stage of life. Isaac is now a freshman at Grove City College, where Leanne and Jon met. He is a music education major: piano, trumpet, and vocal. He performs with several groups besides his classes.

Hannah is a junior at Messiah College with a double major in Spanish and French Education. She was in Chile this year for Spanish proficiency. She will be heading to Strasbourg, France this next semester to work on her French. 

This year Leanne and Jon facilitated a “Dynamic Marriage” group and celebrated their own 22^nd anniversary at Cape May, New Jersey. Not only is Leanne teaching kindergarten, she is working on her own graduate degree and taking piano lessons.

Some Additional Photos from Thanksgiving Morning

Thanks to Rebecca Keiser for the Pictures

www.becominggoldphotography.com